Physical attraction dating

07-Apr-2020 17:52

Guys have come to me over the years asking about this. If he admires other things about her, I’m all for him her and getting to know her in safe, unambiguous, non-flirtatious ways (probably in groups).Usually he respects or admires a godly young woman (or, maybe more often, other people in his life think he admire her more), and yet he’s not physically attracted to her. But I believe physical attraction, at least in the vast majority of cases, is one critical piece in discerning whether to date or marry someone.How significant should physical attraction be in the pursuit of marriage?Or, what role, if any, should physical appearance play in Christian dating? I would say, “No.” Or at least, “Not yet.” Given the common assumptions and practices in our society today, including the church, I do not believe a man (or woman) should begin a dating relationship with someone to whom they are not physically attracted.“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs ). Because physical beauty and charm are naturally appealing. You can look at a picture in an ad or on an app and decide whether someone’s physical appearance is appealing to you, but that’s like buying a house based on a picture from the front yard.Most people want to enjoy how the front of their house looks, but that doesn’t typically break the list of the top ten or fifteen things they’re looking for in a home. Have the appliances been updated in the last five or ten years? The outside may be most important to some people, but they’re probably people who haven’t owned a home before.

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They each look exactly the same as before, and yet they don’t.After you’ve learned more about them — by asking their friends, or by hearing them talk, or by watching the way they live — you’ll never see them again as just the person you saw at first.The more we learn about them, the more their appearance is filled, for better or for worse, with new and deeper meaning — with their personality, their convictions, their sense of humor, their faith.The heartthrob guy beats his girlfriend, or the magazine-cover woman sleeps with three more guys.It’s suddenly harder to even look at pictures of them anymore. You see the same pictures differently now — same hair, same eyes, same figure — all suddenly unappealing, unattractive. God has wired us to appreciate beauty in his design — to find men (for women) or women (for men) physically appealing — and that is a real and important element in our pursuit of marriage, and eventually in our flourishing within the covenant.

They each look exactly the same as before, and yet they don’t.After you’ve learned more about them — by asking their friends, or by hearing them talk, or by watching the way they live — you’ll never see them again as just the person you saw at first.The more we learn about them, the more their appearance is filled, for better or for worse, with new and deeper meaning — with their personality, their convictions, their sense of humor, their faith.The heartthrob guy beats his girlfriend, or the magazine-cover woman sleeps with three more guys.It’s suddenly harder to even look at pictures of them anymore. You see the same pictures differently now — same hair, same eyes, same figure — all suddenly unappealing, unattractive. God has wired us to appreciate beauty in his design — to find men (for women) or women (for men) physically appealing — and that is a real and important element in our pursuit of marriage, and eventually in our flourishing within the covenant.As godly men and women, we should find godliness incredibly attractive.